I find that I still can’t recover from her leaving. I can’t understand why she left me, I can’t understand why do I cares so much about her, would I fall in love with her or would she fall in love with me?…I don’t know. The only thing I exactly know is she left, she did leave!
I have no feeling when I am reading now, I lost the sense of words, the sense of the world, and even the sense of my ego. I am not I was. I can’t perform the best of myself. I just wanna prevent myself from behaving the worst.
When reviewing my history since June, 2007, I feel I were dreaming , but what a terrible dream!
As the principle "with similarity, with dissolubility"(相似相溶), I can’t accept (not adjust to )my surroundings, I have my own appeals and I will stick and be loyal to them. Different believes, little discussions(道不同，不相为谋). I won’t and couldn’t have a good or even normal communication with them so that I won’t be assimilated. In this "campus", I have no one to share interests, no one to discuss, no one to laugh with.
What I often say is:" I’ve lost." Why? Because the so-called "college" is too small while my heart is too big, I am looking for my heart in the "campus"– of course, I can’t find it.
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